So you’re unhappy at work – well what are you doing about it?

Unhappy in your job

When I hear that you love your job, it’s really like you have won the lottery! (well maybe not quite the same)

Being around people who love what they do is infectious and joyful. You spend so much of your time there that you kind’ve hope you would at least enjoy it.

But sadly that is simply not the case for you.

How come?

Perhaps because organisations and businesses are full of all sorts and they add to the culture of the place.

What you may not realise is that your co-workers (and that includes managers) bring with them their own stuff and yes some of them may have narcissist tendencies and some may even be bullies. And guess what, it’s all laid out on the shop floor.

If it’s not that?

Maybe you feel that the job you have strived for months or years of study for, is not cracked up to what you think it is.

What tends to happen then is that you feel stuck, trapped or if your in a ‘golden handcuff’ situation,  worse.

So what are your symptoms?

  • Any opportunity to take days off, you take it.
  • You find yourself talking more about how awful work is and it starts to consume the best part of  your conversations with friends or partner.
  • You may even experience anxiety at the thought of going into the office.
  • Your mood changes you become snappy, withdrawn from colleagues or workplace gatherings and this carries over at home.

I could go on – but I think you get the point.

So here’s what you can do to turn this around.

  • Like the early stages of a romance you were enthusiastic once. You were drawn to something at work, think back to what it was. What made you apply to join the business in the first place?
  • Reflect on what has changed, is it you? new management? a restructure?
  • What adjustments that you need to make that hasn’t crossed your mind?
  • What are the little ‘golden nuggets’ lurking under the laptop? is it a regular good laugh with a colleague who has perhaps left? the gym membership that you found as a great perk, or the opportunities to go on training courses?

If all else fails you actually have the mindset to shift that you just haven’t tapped into it yet. But you got this job didn’t you? and you set the mindset to achieve it?

You deserve to love what you do. Time to dig deeper and work on it.

New Beginnings

Easter is about new beginnings

I was having a conversation with a colleague the other day and we began talking about the meaning of Easter besides the obvious religious context.

Did you know…

The symbol of the ‘easter egg’ represents the birth of new life – new beginnings, starting again, and rejuvenation. In parts of the world the 1st of April represents the first day of Spring the beginnings of new growth.

This week I farewelled a dear friend who lost her fight with cancer. New beginnings have never been more poignant and meaningful as I reflected on my own life and hers. What she had achieved and her legacy. Her stoic quest for putting right those difficult relationships before she passed was important to her – but sadly she ran out of time.

So this is the time, Easter is upon us, the opportunity to renew, start again and clean our emotional house awaits. Don’t miss this chance.

Easter Gift: For those of you who wish to join me in this new beginnings work. I am offering 2 FREE mindset coaching mini support sessions over the next 2 weeks. Simply call my practice on 02 9095 8607 and request New Beginning Coaching. My wonderful team will book you in. If not for you perhaps you have someone else in mind, please share this offer with a friend, colleague or family member who might welcome this Easter gift.

Happy Hopeful EASTER!

Audrey Morrison-Greet – Partnership for Growth

You Got This!

why i procrastinate

why i procrastinate

How much more could you get done with an extra 218 minutes of free time every day? Or an additional 55 days each year?

That’s the time an average person wastes procrastinating, according to peer-reviewed studies – with the top time wasters being too much TV, aimless internet surfing and meandering social media usage – or “Facebrocrastination”.

Twenty per cent of us identify ourselves as chronic procrastinators, 73 per cent of us want to stop all procrastinating, and 50 per cent of us see our procrastination as dysfunctional.

Ironically enough, this article took me a couple of months to write – so this comes from a place of personal experience as well as professional!

The six golden rules of procrastination:

1. Everybody procrastinates, but not everyone is a procrastinator.

2. All procrastination is delay, but not all delay is procrastination. Delaying action or decisions can be a positive or “active procrastination”. Certainly, it’s sometimes worthwhile to allow further thinking time, allowing us to do other more important tasks (it’s just prioritising, right?).

3. The reasons why we procrastinate have NOTHING to do with poor time-management, but rather our desire to avoid pain and seek pleasure and a failure of self-regulation.

4. Problem procrastinators are those who engage in culpably unwarranted irrational delay.

5. Procrastination is associated with a wide variety of negative health, wellbeing, productivity and performance outcomes.

6. Stopping passive procrastination is possible.

 

The three types of procrastinators – which are you?

You’re an “arousal procrastinator” i.e. a thrill-seeker if you regularly:

• Tend to put things off to the last possible minute

• Enjoy the adrenaline rush of an almost-impossible deadline

You’re an “avoidant procrastinator” i.e. someone who distracts yourself from unpleasant emotion such as fear, worry, anxiety or panic if you regularly:

• Put off what you know you should be doing in favour of something else that is of less immediate importance but holds no pain

• Tend to frequently delay or avoid doing something you perceive as unpleasant or stressful until you are in the “right mood”

• Wait until it’s too late and the deadline passes or someone else resolves the issue

• Would rather have others think you’re lazy than lack ability

• Are tempted by immediate gratification

You’re a “decisional procrastinator” i.e. if you find making decisions difficult and painful, feeling tormented before the door of big decisions and you regularly:

• Can’t or won’t make a decision

• Simply feel you don’t know what to do

• Want to be absolved of responsibility for the outcome

• Feel lacking in courage

You can be one of these procrastinators, or a combination – and I think we all know someone who is all three!

 

Why do we procrastinate?

Despite what the super-organised may believe, the contemporary evidence emphasises that a procrastinator’s behaviour is NOT caused by a lack of time management or poor planning.

Looking at the Big 5 personality factors, those who score at the low end for conscientiousness and the high end for optimism are more likely to procrastinate, as are those with lower self-regulation – where we give in to feeling good by prioritising short-term mood repair and avoiding stuff that is painful (stressful) or which may make us feel bad (anxious, overwhelmed, out of our depth).

Many of us, without realising it, instinctively retreat to our comfort zone and try our best never to leave it. Procrastination is a result of that.

But all those who have ever sat on or delayed things will know the bad feelings and guilt that ensue. It’s beyond ironic that in the pursuit of avoiding pain in the here and now, we can create a world of even worse pain for our future self.

So, is procrastination bad for us?

‘Fraid so, yes.

Most of the current evidence on procrastination describes it as a maladaptive, detrimental and self-undermining behaviour.

We might kid ourselves that leaving things to the last minute means we’ll do a better job because of the added pressure, but studies have shown that procrastinators are more likely to make mistakes – and in general, people who continually put things off are unhappier, as well as being less wealthy and healthy in comparison with those who get things done promptly.

Other adverse effects of procrastination are anxiety, tension, loss of valuable opportunities, as well as the breakdown of relationships with other people, and even chronic disease (putting off that check-up, exercise regime, etc).

And, as I’ve written about before, bedtime procrastination may also be the key factor in contribution to the pandemic of sleep insufficiency that is currently and deservedly the subject of great attention.

So, if you’re a procrastinator (as opposed to someone who occasionally procrastinates), there’s no doubt – it’s bad for you!

 

What should we do about it?

Before we jump into specific strategies, there are a few guidance points to consider to make sure we’re approaching the topic with the appropriate level of compassionate non-judgment and self-reflection:

1. Procrastinators may act as if they have all the time in the world. But deep down, they know they’re wasting parts of their life and they feel bad on the inside because of it. The trouble is, most of them don’t know how to free themselves.

2. Telling someone who procrastinates to manage their time better is like telling someone with severe depression to just cheer up.

3. The process of overcoming procrastination can begin once someone is able to admit that when they are delaying action, they’re really avoiding pain.

4. Whenever they feel procrastination creeping upon them, the key thing is to encourage a habit of ‘moving towards’ the pain instead of away from it and become more willing to take creative and emotional risks because they feel better equipped to cope with failure.

OK, so now we’ve set the ground rules, here are nine strategies for dealing with procrastination:

1. Notice when you are on the verge of procrastinating. Explore it. Get curious. “Why am I resisting this?” Try a five-minute mindfulness practice.

2. Actively shift to a positive and growth mindset, dropping the fixed or negative one. Ask yourself, “What are the positive and motivating reasons to do this now?” See this as a learning process rather than as a measure of your ability.

3. Visualise the ideal future. Ask yourself, “What’s the one step I could take right now to move me towards that?” Then do it.

4. Tackle the worst first, not the easy. Do the difficult and most important first. In the sentiment of Mark Twain, if your job requires you to eat a frog, eat it in the morning. If you need to swallow two frogs, eat them both before anything else.

5. Remember that an imperfect step taken today is better than a perfect step never taken.

6. Remove distractions and interruptions whilst allowing yourself a break every 15 minutes if you need it (as a positive reward). Chances are once you get started in a suitably quiet place, you won’t want to take a break – but at 90 minutes, put down the tools and enforce a breather.

7. Be wary of “purposefully delaying”. Yes, this may be sensible re-prioritising, but in all probability, it’s more likely to be an amygdala hijack driven by our strong feelings to avoid pain.

8. Write a to-do list of tasks and goals, prioritising and numbering them from most important to least important. For each task, ask yourself whether you should do it, delegate it or dump it. Then act accordingly. Break the tasks you are keeping into the smaller steps involved, estimating realistically how much time they will take. Allocate these into your schedule, then print it out and keep it in a place where you can see it regularly. I know I said time-management wasn’t the issue but being functionally competent in these aspects is always going to help!

9. Don’t beat yourself up if you do procrastinate. Procrastination has been as issue since the beginning of time. It has negative connotations of self-blame and shame, so it’s important to keep these feelings in check, channelling self-compassion and forgiveness.

Don’t procrastinate when it comes to stopping procrastination

If you’ve identified yourself as one (or all) of our “problem procrastinators”, applying some of the recommended help strategies can have a profound effect.

Problem procrastination affects our productivity and psychological wellbeing – involving feelings of anxiety, stress, guilt, shame and depression.

Like my delay with writing this article, those of us who suffer procrastination are often masters of disguise – covering our avoidance behaviours by being very busy.

The basic notion of procrastination is as a self-regulation failure – we know what we ought to do and we’re not able to bring ourselves to do it.

It’s that gap between intention and action. Hopefully your next action is a positive one!


Original post written by Audrey McGibbon, co-founder, Global Leadership Wellbeing Survey on 8 February 2019 for The Public Accountant

This is what Anxiety looks like

Anxiety counselling

Jane age 24yr leaves home for work as she normally does following a tight morning regime which helps reduce her anxiety, she works in hospitality. When she arrives there is an announcement that they have been given free tickets to go and see Mamma Mia, they all plan to go as a group that afternoon. Jane immediately calls her mother, the conversation is strained full of tension (she is asking her mother what she should do?) The thought of making a quick decision such as this makes her feel uncomfortable and anxious. Her mother is attempting to help her make a decision, whilst she herself was trying to get on a crowded bus to work. Over the phone Jane says she hates herself and started to cry.

James

James in his mid 30s married with a young family, he works in the city enjoys his job and is making great progress. However he has a new manager and everything changes over night. This manager’s style is completely different to what he has been used to and this has started to affect his performance. On Sunday nights he experiences tightness and nauseousness in his stomach, he becomes irritated and distracted with his young family. On the way to work James feels physically sick to the point of almost vomiting. His confidence and self esteem has plummeted. But he puts on his mask and shoulders on….

George

George is in his late 50s, he has been with his company for years, he is well respected and prides himself on his work ethic and reputation. George has mentored hundreds of employees and is highly regarded. However he harbours a ‘secret’, he hates to make mistakes, has a thing for numbers and checks and re-checks his work several times before submitting it. If he doesn’t do this he becomes unsettled and anxious. Most recently George has started to make mistakes. He was called into the ‘office’ to have a discussion about it. For him this was the ultimate shame and blemish against his character.

These stories are real the outcomes can be read in the blog ‘Counselling support can make a difference’

(Identities have been protected and permission have been sought)

Audrey Morrison-Greet – Partnership for Growth

Counselling support can make a difference

Counselling support

 

Jane suffers from a form of social anxiety. Any activity that requires her to show up in a social capacity she becomes overwhelmed. In the pass her anxiety has prevented her from keeping a job. She has successfully worked through that with counselling support and is now able to maintain steady employment. In the end Jane decided not to see Mamma Mia that afternoon.  She continues to work on her social anxiety with measurable goals and achievable successes.

JAMES

James’s has never experienced the physical manifestations of anxiety to that extend before which caused  him a lot of stress. With the right counselling & coaching support he was able to have a difficult conversation with his new manager focusing  on his strengths and achievements.  As a result he felt listened to which in turn gradually reduced his symptoms.

GEORGE

George felt he was alone in his anxiety and feared that he would be dismissed from the position he had held so fondly for 40 years. He kept this all to himself and felt the only option was to suicide. Prior to George’s ‘mistakes’ he was experiencing headaches but did not tell his family. After counselling support George was encouraged to visit his GP and take a more pro-active approach to his health with the support of his partner. What George learnt was his eyesight was failing him and he couldn’t see details hence the headaches and data entry mistakes he was making. He no longer views suicide as an option and is learning that it’s ok to ask for help and it’s not a human failing.

Anxiety can take many forms, it doesn’t discriminate, it can be an unexpected and it can be triggered by any event that you feel is beyond your control. You don’t have to suffer in silence. Help & support is there.

A Relationship with Fear

relationship with fear, letting go

An 18yr ‘boy’ who just left school decided to take a gap year before going to university. He decided to go overseas after much deliberation over financial constraints. He overcame this first hurdle by launching himself in a series of jobs working as hard as he could even doing night shifts to build up the required funds.

Once in Europe his first trip was to Lourdes in South West France at the foothills of the Pyrenees. He went on his own following the World Mountain Bike Cup Race of which he is a supporter and also a rider in his spare time. He knew no french and managed to arrange somewhere to stay and get around by himself. He described the experience as challenging as the area was quite remote as it was ‘out of season’ (for religious pilgrimages). Most of the time he was walking around on his own in picturesque villages with no one in sight once the races were over.

His next trip was Fort William in the Scottish Highlands where he camped out by himself for 2 weeks, he braved the elements and climbed Ben Nevis the highest mountain in the British Isles. He found the rough terrain and breath taking views exhilarating and serene.

This led to him becoming more adventurous as he decided to do the Mont Blanc Tour (solo) which involved wild camping in the Alps, whilst hiking and cycling his way through three countries starting and ending in France. Travelling through the Italian and Swiss Alps involved him navigating the extreme weather conditions, language barrier, maps and mountainous terrains of those countries. Mont Blanc is the highest mountain in the Alps and it took him just under a week. He described camping in random fields in the middle of no-where in the French Alps. On his first day he talked about being woken up in the middle of the night by soft ‘thudding’ noises outside his tent. In fear of drawing attention to himself he remained still until the ‘animal’ passed before going back to sleep.

He described pushing his mountain bike for 3/4 hours on numerous occasions up steep rugged inclines sometimes carrying it on his back where he encountered the bewilderment of a few tourists who thought he was either ‘mad’ or some sort of ‘elite’ athlete. He experienced extreme whether conditions biting wind and rain and in desperation sheltered behind bushes to keep warm. On the last leg of the trip he slept on a bench at a railway station and at 3am was promptly woken by a homeless person who was angry and irate in french by ‘his’ space being taken. The 18yr old was not perturbed by this and simply apologised in bad french and went back to sleep. His story continued and his experiences have been quite extraordinary including climbing the Italian Alps via ferrata style (using a climbing kit and cable) more wild camping in breath taking locations, looking for water source, getting lost, attempting to communicate with remote villagers, hitch hiking with sheep farmers and so forth.

At the end of his trip he was asked three questions?

1) What did you learn about yourself?

“There is nothing to be afraid of when you are with nature it’s just you and the wilderness. It’s ok to set goals about where you want to be and how long it will take you. But if you are tired & fatigue don’t push on – it’s ok to stop re-evaluate – eat, rest and start again you will get there in the end. I wouldn’t do it if it was easy and it felt good to push myself out of the box, people don’t do that and they miss out and sweat the small stuff which is not important. I have met so many people who are genuinely kind and helpful particularly when they know what you are trying to achieve.”

2) What would you do differently?

“I wouldn’t take my bike, I would hike instead and make sure that I’m not out of season when I travel so I could stock up at the next village or town and not be concerned about the shops being closed.”

3) How did you cope with being on your own? e.g. isolation, loneliness.

“It was kind of nice – peaceful you are responsible and answerable to yourself only, the scenery was breath taking you just felt privileged to be alive and there in that moment. A lot of time was spent planning the route, how you were going to stock up on food and water – just generally ‘survive’.”

Whilst it may appear to the reader that the 18yr old was perhaps reckless and too much of a risk taker. What I could tell you of his planning and research it was meticulous. What he couldn’t predict he went with the moment not letting ‘fear’ get in the way but drew upon his intuition, learnt knowledge and hope.

At the end of conversation he had a question for us. What did you guys (parents) learn about yourselves while I was away? my reply “how quickly grey hairs grow!”

As I write he is currently planning a 1000km bike ride from Canberra to Melbourne called the Hunt ride involving 30 or so riders!

Wish him well!

Coaching and Counselling online

Online counselling

– The Pros and Cons

I occasionally run my life coaching and counselling sessions by skype or phone when my clients are unable to come in for their appointment. Whilst there is an added dimension to face to face conversations, thanks to ever improving technology skype is a reasonable second option with phone coming in third. You can still see each others faces and reactions to conversations with skype but with the added benefit of being situated anywhere on earth with reasonable wifi!

The Pros to having a coaching or counselling session by Skype include:

  • Flexibility – Busy at work? You can find a meeting room and have your coaching session whilst still only 100 meters from your desk
  • Convenience – you can have a skype session any time there is availability, you don’t need to wait until you are out and about or on your way home
  • Free to use – it’s available to you on your computer, laptop, tablet or even phone so you might as well use it to your advantage
  • Get comfortable – you can stay where you are for example if its raining and still have your coaching session

The Cons to having a coaching or counselling session by Skype include:

  • You don’t get to visit me in my CBD office, right near the shops
  • Technology averse clients may need some help with the technology and prefer to run sessions the more traditional way
  • Wanting the distance – coming out of your comfort zone for a session may help you get clarify from a personal situation

Basically it just comes down to the individual and their preferences. Being someone who travels I embrace any of this technology that allows me to keep in contact with my clients even when back home in the UK for visits.

Skype of course would be my first choice but a good quality phone conversation with someone you know and trust to talk about issues that may be bothering you can also work out well.

If you are interested, we can definitely book you in for a trial session to see what suits you best.

Read more about our expert Counsellors here

 

Mindset Coaching

mindset coaching

Have you ever had an idea or a thought of starting your own business, completing a DIY project, converting that shed to a ‘man’ cave or an office.  But never get round to doing it? you read the books, you spend some money on an online course, or you google search every night about what other people are doing with their dreams.  Whilst you may have been inspired by your search you still remain inactive or you procrastinate does that ring a bell!  Successful ‘Ted Talk’ people are there because they probably have had good experience of a coach or being mentored by someone at some point in their lives, to be the people they are on that platform.   Not only have they practiced what they preach (we hope) but they have taken action ‘walk the talk’. Your probably thinking what does that mean in reality? Well it means we all need a little help from time to time some of us are better at identifying what that help is and some of us need to work on figuring that out.  We may have the ideas or the passion swirling about in our heads or a desire to do something else with our lives. Working with our a professional coach who has your interest at heart and want to see you succeed is a great way to start.

Taking small committed steps to achieving what you want to change is do-able and definitely possible when guided in a ‘gentle’ but firm way –  such is the power of professional coaching.   You soon start to see tangible evidence of what you can achieve and guess what – the first step towards your desired goals.