Has the pendulum swung too far?
Having had discussions with my teenage son about relationships recently, he talked about some of his male friends feeling isolated and unsure of how to ‘be’ around girls or to approach someone to ask them for a date in terms of heterosexual relationships.
On a recent overnight school trip, their groups were separated and boys were given a talk about criminality, making poor choices, stealing cars, and other similar topics. The girls were given a talk about sexual assault and strategies for preventing and dealing with it.
My son felt this talk empowered the girls, although when he and his friends attempted to have a conversation with them about the topic, some of the girls didn’t want to share for ‘fear’ of exposing the strategies for preventing sexual assault. My son observed that some of the girls viewed him and his colleagues as ‘potential’ perpetrators. When I asked if he had challenged that misconception, he said he didn’t, but felt hurt and simply walked away, and so did his friends.
Clearly the girls felt empowered, as they should, after being given the tools and strategies to prevent sexual assault. The question I ask is, don’t boys also need to be given the same opportunities? To be able to discuss their fears and trepidations around topics such as sexual assault, healthy functional relationships, expectations and sense of value as young men?
Authors such as Steve Biddulph have put this on the agenda in his book Raising Boys, and I have to agree that the battle of minimising harm to young people in an increasingly sexualised world is to have open and frank conversations with both the sexes.
As counselling professionals, lest not neglect the emotional life of our boys. The majority of them will become fathers, carers and partners in future relationships. They need to have the opportunity to have their voices heard and valued, without prejudice and fear.
So let’s grab that pendulum before it goes too far from our reach.
