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It’s Ok, you’ve got another 6 months!

Those of you who are partaking in Dry July, good luck, for those of you not, Merry Christmas in July!

During the last 6 months my wish for you all has generally been to have an awareness of what can get in your way of moving forward towards where you want to be.

So below I have put together a quick revision of that with a gentle reminder that you can push that rock out of the way and keep going. Inhale the future!

In January I talked about a simple review of 2018 – there were some pointy questions to answer which I will include below again as you adapt them to your situation and monitor how you are doing.

In February I gave an outline of one of the therapies I commonly use called ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) essentially its about “getting out of your mind, into your life”. It teaches skills to handle painful thoughts and feelings effectively. I love it because it’s so simple to implement and makes sense!

March was about Procrastination – killer of joy and action – putting off the inevitable until it’s too late. I added a great article on how to overcome it by doing the hard tasks first (contrary to what you may think works)

In April I shared a personal account of a dear friend who lost her battle with cancer and her struggle to put right all those relationships that were important to her but sadly she didn’t make it. So my take away from her legacy was to have those conversations you want to have. Start again because you can create a new beginning. The cliche that life is too short is kind’ve true.

May covered managing work stress and unhappiness there, figuring out what that means for you. Working with different personality types is not always easy.

June was about managing those winter blues with a reminder to be mindful of loneliness creeping in and how to keep it in check besides relying on Netflix. I also shared another great article on how cold weather is good for the brain. This is your time to shine!!

 

So to keep on track, for the next 6 months here’s a 3 step task to get you going and more focussed on what that might look like:

  1. List 3 goals you want to achieve between now and the end of the year.
  2. List 3 thoughts that pull you away from achieving those goals.
  3. Reflect on those thoughts, park them temporarily and still continue with your goal plan.

If you need help moving that rock or parking those thoughts, please get in touch.

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So you’re unhappy at work – well what are you doing about it?

Unhappy in your job

When I hear that you love your job, it’s really like you have won the lottery! (well maybe not quite the same)

Being around people who love what they do is infectious and joyful. You spend so much of your time there that you kind’ve hope you would at least enjoy it.

But sadly that is simply not the case for you.

How come?

Perhaps because organisations and businesses are full of all sorts and they add to the culture of the place.

What you may not realise is that your co-workers (and that includes managers) bring with them their own stuff and yes some of them may have narcissist tendencies and some may even be bullies. And guess what, it’s all laid out on the shop floor.

If it’s not that?

Maybe you feel that the job you have strived for months or years of study for, is not cracked up to what you think it is.

What tends to happen then is that you feel stuck, trapped or if your in a ‘golden handcuff’ situation,  worse.

So what are your symptoms?

  • Any opportunity to take days off, you take it.
  • You find yourself talking more about how awful work is and it starts to consume the best part of  your conversations with friends or partner.
  • You may even experience anxiety at the thought of going into the office.
  • Your mood changes you become snappy, withdrawn from colleagues or workplace gatherings and this carries over at home.

I could go on – but I think you get the point.

So here’s what you can do to turn this around.

  • Like the early stages of a romance you were enthusiastic once. You were drawn to something at work, think back to what it was. What made you apply to join the business in the first place?
  • Reflect on what has changed, is it you? new management? a restructure?
  • What adjustments that you need to make that hasn’t crossed your mind?
  • What are the little ‘golden nuggets’ lurking under the laptop? is it a regular good laugh with a colleague who has perhaps left? the gym membership that you found as a great perk, or the opportunities to go on training courses?

If all else fails you actually have the mindset to shift that you just haven’t tapped into it yet. But you got this job didn’t you? and you set the mindset to achieve it?

You deserve to love what you do. Time to dig deeper and work on it.

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New Beginnings

Easter is about new beginnings

I was having a conversation with a colleague the other day and we began talking about the meaning of Easter besides the obvious religious context.

Did you know…

The symbol of the ‘easter egg’ represents the birth of new life – new beginnings, starting again, and rejuvenation. In parts of the world the 1st of April represents the first day of Spring the beginnings of new growth.

This week I farewelled a dear friend who lost her fight with cancer. New beginnings have never been more poignant and meaningful as I reflected on my own life and hers. What she had achieved and her legacy. Her stoic quest for putting right those difficult relationships before she passed was important to her – but sadly she ran out of time.

So this is the time, Easter is upon us, the opportunity to renew, start again and clean our emotional house awaits. Don’t miss this chance.

Easter Gift: For those of you who wish to join me in this new beginnings work. I am offering 2 FREE mindset coaching mini support sessions over the next 2 weeks. Simply call my practice on 02 9095 8607 and request New Beginning Coaching. My wonderful team will book you in. If not for you perhaps you have someone else in mind, please share this offer with a friend, colleague or family member who might welcome this Easter gift.

Happy Hopeful EASTER!

Audrey Morrison-Greet – Partnership for Growth

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Coaching and Counselling online

Online counselling

– The Pros and Cons

I occasionally run my life coaching and counselling sessions by skype or phone when my clients are unable to come in for their appointment. Whilst there is an added dimension to face to face conversations, thanks to ever improving technology skype is a reasonable second option with phone coming in third. You can still see each others faces and reactions to conversations with skype but with the added benefit of being situated anywhere on earth with reasonable wifi!

The Pros to having a coaching or counselling session by Skype include:

  • Flexibility – Busy at work? You can find a meeting room and have your coaching session whilst still only 100 meters from your desk
  • Convenience – you can have a skype session any time there is availability, you don’t need to wait until you are out and about or on your way home
  • Free to use – it’s available to you on your computer, laptop, tablet or even phone so you might as well use it to your advantage
  • Get comfortable – you can stay where you are for example if its raining and still have your coaching session

The Cons to having a coaching or counselling session by Skype include:

  • You don’t get to visit me in my CBD office, right near the shops
  • Technology averse clients may need some help with the technology and prefer to run sessions the more traditional way
  • Wanting the distance – coming out of your comfort zone for a session may help you get clarify from a personal situation

Basically it just comes down to the individual and their preferences. Being someone who travels I embrace any of this technology that allows me to keep in contact with my clients even when back home in the UK for visits.

Skype of course would be my first choice but a good quality phone conversation with someone you know and trust to talk about issues that may be bothering you can also work out well.

If you are interested, we can definitely book you in for a trial session to see what suits you best.

Read more about our expert Counsellors here

 

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Mindset Coaching

mindset coaching

Have you ever had an idea or a thought of starting your own business, completing a DIY project, converting that shed to a ‘man’ cave or an office.  But never get round to doing it? you read the books, you spend some money on an online course, or you google search every night about what other people are doing with their dreams.  Whilst you may have been inspired by your search you still remain inactive or you procrastinate does that ring a bell!  Successful ‘Ted Talk’ people are there because they probably have had good experience of a coach or being mentored by someone at some point in their lives, to be the people they are on that platform.   Not only have they practiced what they preach (we hope) but they have taken action ‘walk the talk’. Your probably thinking what does that mean in reality? Well it means we all need a little help from time to time some of us are better at identifying what that help is and some of us need to work on figuring that out.  We may have the ideas or the passion swirling about in our heads or a desire to do something else with our lives. Working with our a professional coach who has your interest at heart and want to see you succeed is a great way to start.

Taking small committed steps to achieving what you want to change is do-able and definitely possible when guided in a ‘gentle’ but firm way –  such is the power of professional coaching.   You soon start to see tangible evidence of what you can achieve and guess what – the first step towards your desired goals.

 

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How do we manage work complexities?

managing work complexities

The answers may lie at home….

As the summer holidays are upon us and those of us who are managing family activities, attending to aged parents, working, running a business and so on, I couldn’t help thinking about a recent event I attended November last year hosted by Jennifer Garvey Burger and Keith Johnson on their work around Complexity Theory and keeping it simple. Jennifer posed a question to the group of what complexity meant to us? My thoughts on this are whilst complexity and leadership are the ‘new’ construct that leaders are grappling with, could the ‘answers’ to some of those insights be closer to home? Any parent (and it is still largely woman) who are raising families today are juggling and managing multiple personalities within a wide age range – toddlers to teens, and not forgetting the ‘CEO’ executive aged parent.

The skill-set involved in having to cater for and hold major conferences at meal-times every day where the rules of engagement are unpredictable is a challenge. Ensuring that each family (team) member are given the opportunity to have a say and that their views are valued, are not without its inherent tensions.

That their growth and well being are given the highest priority within your means. Also not forgetting to allow the offspring opportunities to unleash their creativity in their own rooms, and if the space is shared this is made even more complex.

Finally when the primary caregiver feels they’ve got it sussed and everybody is happy, then they could finally attend to their own (developmental) needs. Or maybe not, because the family system in all its variable constructs is a heaving and breathing entity constantly changing and evolving – strong families (corporations) know that and go with it.  I think Jennifer with her tribe of four children knows a thing or two!

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Complex transitions

complex transitions

Sometime last year I had a brief conversation with  my brother-in-law, we talked aboutPartnershipForGrowth_7 what our children were doing as their twin boys and my son were in their last year of school. My brother in-law  revealed that my sister was struggling with the transitioning of the last of their children to young adult hood and having to come to terms with that.  He surprised me when he admitted although we often complain about the ‘angst’ that comes with teenage territory he also shared her sadness and dare I say grief.

This lead me to question my surprise, because  it is not often we hear father’s express their thoughts and feelings about the so call ’empty nest syndrome’ which can sometimes appear to be a mother’s prerogative.  The transitioning from parenting small children who rely on you solely for their survival, identity and sense of well being, I  believe is a shared loss experienced  by both parents albeit differently.  Coupled with that sense of ‘loss’ is the complex balance of forging new relationships with your teenage children, which can comprise of accepting them as young adults and still asserting and re-definiting your identity as their parents.   In households headed by single parents and same sex families it would be interesting to shed some insight into how this ‘loss’ and complex transition is experienced and whether there are any learnings from this?

When my last child transitioned into senior school yr 7.  I felt a sense of loss that crept up on me that I wasn’t prepared for,  I also felt I needed some sort of ceremony (which in some cultures is common ) to farewell the chatty little boy, that was always hanging around my feet with a twinkle in his eye waiting to be cuddled, tickled or chased.  I am also hoping his father  would post his own thoughts and insights from a male perspective – so watch this space!

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An introduction to the counselling process

counselling session

An introduction to the counselling process

counsellor and coachIf you have never had counselling before, you may be unfamiliar with how counselling works. Well, I think unfamiliarity breeds anxiety, so here’s what to expect from your first session, how long you should commit to therapy, and what counselling will not give you.

The first session

The first session is an opportunity for the counsellor and client to get to know each other and for the client to get comfortable. In fact it can take a few sessions for the client to feel settled and at ease enough to discuss concerns and worries they may never have spoken about before. It is not unreasonable to recognise that it takes time to build trust. This is also the case with online counselling, where it is possible that counsellor and client cannot see one another.

Each counsellor is different and a multitude of approaches are taken. So what you have read about or been told may differ when it comes to seeing your particular counsellor. As such, there will be variations on how a counsellor begins a session. Some therapists may want to establish ground rules or gather pertinent details, others prefer to quickly get started and let you take the lead.

Depending on the type of therapist you see, you may be given homework, which can be discussed in a following session. The type of activities given can vary. They can include: written work, time spent reflecting on a particular issue, reading books or articles, or carrying out behavioural tasks. Such activities will allow you to get more out of the session and can be highly beneficial.

How many sessions are needed?

Although progress can be achieved in the first session, generally people need more than one session to help bring about change. This is the case whether you go with face to face or online counselling. In fact the amount of sessions needed will vary from individual to individual. Some people require just three or four sessions, whereas others can see a counsellor for years.

Online counsellors, like any other counsellor, appreciate the time to get to know their client. Of course, this also means the client has a good opportunity to get to know the counsellor and the process. This will create greater feelings of trust and will allow the client to open up more.

To expect change during the initial session is expecting a lot from yourself. It’s a bit like starting an exercise program to lose weight then giving up after two days as it didn’t work. Time and effort are needed whether it is a weight change you are after or a behavioural or emotional change.

Frequency

So how often should you see a counsellor? Will it surprise you if I were to say, it varies. Counsellors may recommend a time, but it is always the client’s choice. Some clients like to have a session once a week, whereas others can go months without and then pop back for a session (perhaps because a new issue has arisen which they would like help with). It is not unheard of for a client to see a therapist more than once a week, especially early on.

Never be afraid to go back to see a counsellor. Obtaining support when you need it is a strength, not a weakness.

What counselling will not give you

People new to counselling often hope for quick answers or advice. A counsellor will not tell you what to do. It may not seem possible at first, but the solution will come from within you, with the support and guidance of your counsellor. As such, counselling will not give you a quick fix. This is especially the case if your issue has been with you for some time. Concerns will be unpacked over time, when you are ready.

The internet can create misleading expectations. A person can end up believing there are ready answers out there. You can go on the internet and ask a question about your concern and somebody will be all to ready to give you a solution. Generally it is what has worked for them or what they think is right. This does not necessarily make it the right solution for you. Counselling therefore could be seen as frustrating as your counsellor does not give you instant resolution.

This article was originally written by Julia Bernard, 2010.