A very dear friend of mine recently passed away, I was aware of her long term illness but I was not aware it was terminal. So when I received the news I was initially shocked but I felt no emotion e.g. I couldn’t cry. I was more concerned about the details and what had happened. The following day I made a mental note to contact her family and send my condolences. However in the middle of my day I found myself being drawn back to my childhood memories of being at school together and how much of each others lives we shared prior to my move to Australia – and then the flood gates opened. I cried inconsolably and I was racked with guilt and grief at not being there for her in her time of need. When I eventually spoke to her family I could not get through the phone call because of my sorrow.
In counselling we often talk about delayed reactions to grief or a trauma and how it can show up when you least expect it, which is different for everybody. We tried to be in control of those feelings but small triggers, be it music a familiar smell, a photo can bring back those memories, which are now associated with the loss – something that can never be retrieved. I will never see my dear friend again and I have to accept that. Counselling that is compassionate and supportive can help you deal with feelings of loss and grief and eventually come to terms with it.