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Complex transitions

complex transitions

Sometime last year I had a brief conversation with  my brother-in-law, we talked aboutPartnershipForGrowth_7 what our children were doing as their twin boys and my son were in their last year of school. My brother in-law  revealed that my sister was struggling with the transitioning of the last of their children to young adult hood and having to come to terms with that.  He surprised me when he admitted although we often complain about the ‘angst’ that comes with teenage territory he also shared her sadness and dare I say grief.

This lead me to question my surprise, because  it is not often we hear father’s express their thoughts and feelings about the so call ’empty nest syndrome’ which can sometimes appear to be a mother’s prerogative.  The transitioning from parenting small children who rely on you solely for their survival, identity and sense of well being, I  believe is a shared loss experienced  by both parents albeit differently.  Coupled with that sense of ‘loss’ is the complex balance of forging new relationships with your teenage children, which can comprise of accepting them as young adults and still asserting and re-definiting your identity as their parents.   In households headed by single parents and same sex families it would be interesting to shed some insight into how this ‘loss’ and complex transition is experienced and whether there are any learnings from this?

When my last child transitioned into senior school yr 7.  I felt a sense of loss that crept up on me that I wasn’t prepared for,  I also felt I needed some sort of ceremony (which in some cultures is common ) to farewell the chatty little boy, that was always hanging around my feet with a twinkle in his eye waiting to be cuddled, tickled or chased.  I am also hoping his father  would post his own thoughts and insights from a male perspective – so watch this space!

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Is coaching and counselling the same?

coaching vs counselling

Is coaching and counselling the same?

counsellor and coachThe idea that coaching and counselling are the same mode of practice is a common mistake.

Although coaching and counselling share some commonalities, there are many clear differences between the two.

(Note: The term “counselling” refers to a wide scope of counselling modalities much like coaching has. This article focuses on “counselling” as the general form of counselling or is also known as “psychotherapy“)

First, some similarities between coaching and counselling:

  • Both serve the client and allows them to direct the session
  • Both aim to help the client to understand the issue and to move on
  • Both involve listening to the client, uses questions and empathy during sessions
  • Both offer short-term or long-term services
  • Both ask “How” and “What” questions as opposed to “Why”
  • Both coaching and counselling offer different modalities of the service to target different needs (ie. there is Financial Counselling as well as Financial Coaching available)

But… some important differences between coaching and counselling:

  • Focus: Counselling focuses on the “meaning” of an issue in hopes to find where it came from and what it means
  • Focus: Coaching focuses on the “pattern of meaning” of an issue, where it came from and where to go from here
  • Aim: In Counselling the aim of the therapeutic relationship and therapy is to help the client manage their condition (ie. Depression, Anxiety, ADHD and etc) and develop ways to cope and deal with the current situation.
  • Aim: In Coaching the aim of the coaching relationship is the help the client understand that they are in control of how their mind influences their actions, to break through barriers and to create a new blue print or set of values and beliefs to help the client on their journey to live the life that they want to live in.
  • Emphasis: Counselling emphasises on the importance of the client’s story and encourages the client to talk about their feelings, meanings and thoughts.
  • Emphasis: Coaching emphasises on the important aspects of the story and encourages the client to look at the experience to look for patterns of behaviours and thoughts that discourage the client from living their ideal life
  • Outcome: Counselling focuses on the past and how it affects the present
  • Outcome: Coaching looks at the past, sees how it affects the now and focuses on shifting the present to change the future

There are many similarities between coaching and counselling, but the ultimate focus, aim, emphasis and outcomes are very different.

In order to make the right choice to whether coaching or counselling is more suitable for you, you need to think about where you are and where do you want to go.

To help you decide between whether coaching and counselling is more suitable for you, we could use the same analogy of riding a bicycle:

In counselling, the counsellor and you (the client) discuss what is stopping you from riding the bicycle, what kinds of bicycle experience you may have had, how your family or relationships have affected your decision or fears to ride the bicycle and you may develop goals for you to be able to ride the bicycle again but executed at your own pace.

In coaching, the coach and you (the client) begin by speaking of the fears and barriers that you may have developed, explore why bicycle riding is something you want to do and you both develop strategies, goals and new thinking systems behind bicycle riding while the coach is riding their bicycle next to you and encouraging and motivating you as you ride your bike.

If you have trouble deciding whether counselling or coaching is more identifiable with you, feel free to email us to discuss your concerns and answer other questions you may have about coaching or counselling.

This article was first published on www.minddirectors.com in 2011