A very dear friend of mine recently passed away, I was aware of her long term illness but I was not aware it was terminal. So when I received the news I was initially shocked but I felt no emotion e.g. I couldn’t cry. I was more concerned about the details and what had happened. Â The following day I made a mental note to contact her family and send my condolences. Â However in the middle of my day I found myself being drawn back to my childhood memories of being at school together and how much of each others lives we shared prior to my move to Australia – and then the flood gates opened. Â I cried inconsolably and I was racked with guilt and grief at not being there for her in her time of need. Â When I eventually spoke to her family I could not get through the phone call because of my sorrow.
In counselling we often talk about delayed reactions to grief or a trauma and how it can show up when you least expect it, which is different for everybody. Â We tried to be in control of those feelings but small triggers, be it music a familiar smell, a photo can bring back those memories, which are now associated with the loss – something that can never be retrieved. Â I will never see my dear friend again and I have to accept that. Â Counselling that is compassionate and supportive can help you deal with feelings of loss and grief and eventually come to terms with it.