An introduction to the counselling process
If you have never had counselling before, you may be unfamiliar with how counselling works. Well, I think unfamiliarity breeds anxiety, so here’s what to expect from your first session, how long you should commit to therapy, and what counselling will not give you.
The first session
The first session is an opportunity for the counsellor and client to get to know each other and for the client to get comfortable. In fact it can take a few sessions for the client to feel settled and at ease enough to discuss concerns and worries they may never have spoken about before. It is not unreasonable to recognise that it takes time to build trust. This is also the case with online counselling, where it is possible that counsellor and client cannot see one another.
Each counsellor is different and a multitude of approaches are taken. So what you have read about or been told may differ when it comes to seeing your particular counsellor. As such, there will be variations on how a counsellor begins a session. Some therapists may want to establish ground rules or gather pertinent details, others prefer to quickly get started and let you take the lead.
Depending on the type of therapist you see, you may be given homework, which can be discussed in a following session. The type of activities given can vary. They can include: written work, time spent reflecting on a particular issue, reading books or articles, or carrying out behavioural tasks. Such activities will allow you to get more out of the session and can be highly beneficial.
How many sessions are needed?
Although progress can be achieved in the first session, generally people need more than one session to help bring about change. This is the case whether you go with face to face or online counselling. In fact the amount of sessions needed will vary from individual to individual. Some people require just three or four sessions, whereas others can see a counsellor for years.
Online counsellors, like any other counsellor, appreciate the time to get to know their client. Of course, this also means the client has a good opportunity to get to know the counsellor and the process. This will create greater feelings of trust and will allow the client to open up more.
To expect change during the initial session is expecting a lot from yourself. It’s a bit like starting an exercise program to lose weight then giving up after two days as it didn’t work. Time and effort are needed whether it is a weight change you are after or a behavioural or emotional change.
Frequency
So how often should you see a counsellor? Will it surprise you if I were to say, it varies. Counsellors may recommend a time, but it is always the client’s choice. Some clients like to have a session once a week, whereas others can go months without and then pop back for a session (perhaps because a new issue has arisen which they would like help with). It is not unheard of for a client to see a therapist more than once a week, especially early on.
Never be afraid to go back to see a counsellor. Obtaining support when you need it is a strength, not a weakness.
What counselling will not give you
People new to counselling often hope for quick answers or advice. A counsellor will not tell you what to do. It may not seem possible at first, but the solution will come from within you, with the support and guidance of your counsellor. As such, counselling will not give you a quick fix. This is especially the case if your issue has been with you for some time. Concerns will be unpacked over time, when you are ready.
The internet can create misleading expectations. A person can end up believing there are ready answers out there. You can go on the internet and ask a question about your concern and somebody will be all to ready to give you a solution. Generally it is what has worked for them or what they think is right. This does not necessarily make it the right solution for you. Counselling therefore could be seen as frustrating as your counsellor does not give you instant resolution.
This article was originally written by Julia Bernard, 2010.